Friday, March 28, 2008

Enter a Michael Haneke film at your own risk!

Even if you do not recognize the name, you most-likely encountered Austrian director Michael Haneke early last year with his much-debated 2006 French-language feature Cache ("Hidden"), which is still generating conversation at many a dinner table, thanks to its second life on DVD (and thanks to an increasing number of foreign film lovers who have permanently foregone a trip to the movie theater in favor of passively waiting to update their Netflix queue -- shame on you people!).

That film was thought-provoking and challenging in the way it implicated you, the audience -- you know, the guy who just plopped down $10 to be 'entertained' -- in this upper class couple's voyeuristic nightmare. Just who the culprit was in this scheme to destroy this man's unexamined life is endlessly debatable.


My first foray into this Austrian director's ouevre was 2001's excellent The Piano Teacher starring the wondrous Isabelle Huppert at her depraved and debased best. Nobody does debasement better than Isabelle! (The European title, "La Pianiste" may have lead to confusion with Roman Polanski's contemporaneous "The Pianist." Both films stand on their own as exceptional works of art.)


Haneke's latest -- Funny Games -- a shot-for-shot remake of his 1997 Austrian feature of the same name, and his first effort in English -- does not so much provoke conversation as it provokes violent reactions from film critics. Just listen to these blurbs: "soul-grinding;" "ponderous nihilism;" "a grueling ethics exam;" "a perverse kind of cinematic sadism;" and "a long spectacle of wanton and gratuitous brutality." (If that's not a Thumbs-Up, I don't know what is!!)

As a committed fan of the lovely Naomi Watts, I feel an added discomfort witnessing the physical and emotional violence she (her character) is subjected to in this movie (even though, as executive producer, she has no one to blame but herself!). As brave and unrelenting as is her performance, this is not an actor's movie: her performance is subsumed by the director's mission: which is to browbeat the audience into admitting its culpability in today's culture of violence.



Isn't she pretty?


The movie intentionally offers no succor to the audience for witnessing this unrelenting violence--no justice, no vengeance, no tidy resolution that moviegoers come to expect--even demand--from their filmed entertainment. Haneke's point is precisely that: this is not entertainment, it should not be entertainment, and their is no redeeming social value to its depiction on screen. At its best it harkens to A Clockwork Orange in its amoral, unrelenting depiction of violence. At its worst, you want to say, "Okay, I get the point: shame on us for expecting to be 'entertained' by this. Now, what else do you have to say?"

Funny Games works more as a polemic than it does a movie. In other words, you can sit back and think "I understand the point he is trying to make" but you still have to sit through a very uncomfortable 110 minutes of movie. Not that the violence is any more 'gratuitous' than any other depictions of violence we have come to expect from our movies. But one questions the effectiveness of his diatribe if, as in my screening, the people he is trying to reach have walked out at precisely the moment he begins to make it extremely uncomfortable for the audience. [For those of you in the know, my reference is to the 'cat in the bag' game.] So for the rest of the movie, Haneke is preaching to the converted: i.e., those adventurous movie-goers who want to be challenged, provoked, but not necessarily 'entertained.'

Two effects he uses to drive home his point: 1) he never actually shows the violence that is committed in this film; and 2) he deliberately denies the audience any cathartic release one expects from a piece of entertainment: no vindication, no justice, no release from the violence you have just witnessed. Much is made of Haneke's "breaking the fourth wall" (four times by my count). Even more shocking than that, but less-discussed, is his breaking the taboo of depicting violence against children. That is what turns most people against this movie.

Don't confuse Haneke's movie with those films that spend 90 minutes wading in the excesses of violence-as-entertainment, then tacks on a morally-superior "Shame on you for enjoying this" message at the end. [The most-recent example of this: 2007's The Kingdom.] Other critics have gone so so far as to mistakenly lump it into the category of "high-toned torture porn with an edge of self-righteousness." This is not even in the same universe as the pornography of movies like Hostel, David Edelstein (you idiot!)! Even if you detest his movie, Haneke is not a 'fraud' (A.O. Scott).

The last film I remember being this uncomfortable to sit through was the disturbing-to-the-point-of (almost)-unwatchable rape scene in French enfant terrible Gaspar Noe's Irreversible (2003). Is an unwatchable film worth watching? Absolutely. Irreversible made my "Top Five Foreign Films" list that year (with a strong caveat to my more sensitive readers).

[Sidebar: FFG still does not have the guts to sit through the ultimate expression of this genre -- the pinnacle of the unwatchable film: Italian master Pier Paolo Pasolini's notorious "Salo, or 120 Days of Sodom" (which, the last time I remember it being shown publicly, the manager of the Dobie Theater in Austin was threatened with child pornography charges! And this was in liberal AUSTIN!!).]

A film with the guts to force its audience to face the unfaceable -- that base instinct that draws us to hear every salacious detail of the latest rape-torture-murder victim on cable news -- the same instinct Hollywood has relied on to make hits of 'Death Wish' to 'The Brave One' to the various incarnations of Hannibal Lechter, not to mention every slasher film churned out by Hollywood since Roger Corman first picked up a camera.


Does that make "Funny Games an enjoyable experience? Not in the least. (Nor is it supposed to be). Does it make it a worthy counter-point to the dominant culture's (i.e., America's) obsession with violence-as-entertainment? Absolutely.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

NEW YEAR, NEW BLOG!

My traditional post-Oscar hiatus from movie-going (and thus blogging) was rather long this time (another testament to the great movie year that was 2007...I was spent). But I'm back, baby! With a new outlook (but the same baadasss attitude).
A recent trip to the vibrant city of Chicago took me to the Gene Siskel Film Center on State Street -- Valhalla for the foreignfilmguy. (I take that back: Cannes, the Oscar ceremony, or even Sundance would be Valhalla. But the SFC is a shrine on par with Manhattan's Film Forum or the Anthology Film Archives, at least). The 11th Annual European Union Film Festival was beginning a month-long run. I have fond memories of seeing some great foreign films courtesy of the EU: first at the AFI theater in the Kennedy Center (Claude Chabrol's La Ceremonie); then at the AFI Silver in Silver Spring, MD (Antares from Austria is the only one that comes to mind).

Much as I love Houston, we just don't get that quality of film 'down here.' In fact, the bleak art film scene has gotten bleaker (the Greenway 3--R.I.P.; Rice Cinema -- a shell of its former glory days). So rather than waste my time with the increasingly irrelevant WorldFest Houston -- longest-running film festival in the U.S. (only God, the Devil, and Hunter Todd knows how it survives!) -- and the smattering of mediocre French comedies that penetrate the market, I am going to devote 2008 to seeking-out the top-of-the-line indie and foreign films. If that takes me to Austin, Seattle, San Fran, or the mean streeets of Manhattan, so be it!! More likely, it will take me to NetFlix -- plus, I want to do more reading, so I can contribute to my second blog, www.goodreads.com.

An aside about Chicago:
I had a genuine a celebrity sighting at the Art Institute of Chicago!! I had just spent two wondrous hours in the joint Winslow Homer watercolors and Edward Hopper exhibits, and who was buying a ticket as I was leaving? The lovely Heather Graham (Swingers, Boogie Nights, Gray Matters, From Hell, Scrubs...I could go on). Regrettably, I didn't say anything to her. What could I have said: "Loved your work in 'Emily's Reasons Why Not.'?" (That is a 100% true statement, btw, but I did not want to sound sarcastic). She looked as beautiful in person as an actress with a faded AC/DC T-shirt and furry boots can look!
I hope you loved Edward Hopper as much as I did, Heather!!









Two outfits -- one pose!


Back to the purpose of this post: My 1st Review of 2008!

Francis Ford Coppola's return to filmmaking in Youth Without Youth:
I went into this movie blind: not knowing the story, the source material, or the critical reception it received. But I still had expectations: somehow I thought I'd have a David Lynchian-Inland Empire experience. Instead, what I saw was rather tame and literal. True, the 'literal' plot takes off in wild and imaginative directions--hallmarks of a typical Eastern European author upon which this work is based. [Aside #2: this is the second movie I can remember based on a novella that is interminable!! What's up with that? See (or better yet, don't see) Away From Her.]

It starts as an intriguing story of an intellectual who gets struck by a lightning bolt that returns him toikok youth so he can finish his life's work (well-acted by Tim Roth as both an old man and a young one). Yet the two-hour, six-minute movie gets bogged down in a conventional yet ridiculous Nazi subplot: it is not enough that the Nazis are 'bad', they are badly acted, too. (The young Nazi seductress invites comparisons to Sofia Coppola in her looks -- a good thing; and in her acting--not a good thing). While I'm making comparisons, Roth's love interest in the movie (Alexandra Maria Lara) is a cross between Kate Winslet and Keira Knightley--not a bad cross!

I could live with the retro style of the film if it strived to be a straight action movie (like last year's Black Book) or a straight homage to the Golden Age of Movies (like the superior The Good German, which it consciously evokes on more than one occasion). But Youth refuses to play anything straight. It meanders wildly from one style to another, as the story meanders from Romania, to Switzerland, Italy, India, then finally Malta. [I cannot say I've seen many movies set in either Bucharest or Malta, so that is a nice diversion!] By this point, however, I've lost all interest in the plot, so I have to make do with the scenery.

Coppola is still a master, but as with One From the Heart, I question his choice of material to devote his considerable talents. I imagine that's how fans of director Darren Aranofsky felt coming out of his latest, The Fountain (which I purposefully skipped, even though it starred Rachel Weisz and Hugh Jackman).

Monday, February 25, 2008

"It's a Wonderful Night for Oscar"

And what a Wonderful Night it was!

Not that I did that great in my predictions (see previous post), but in the first year I can remember, more of my Wants won than my Thinks! I honestly have no complaints with the Academy this year. Lest you think this will make for a boring post, keep reading--I'm bound to strike a nerve with my unbridled enthusiasm.

First, Jon Stewart made a strong case for being named permanent host. Sure, the writer's strike gave the proceedings a thrown-together quality, but the key to a good host is not his material, but how he handles the ad-libs. And Jon Stewart did something no host has ever had the cojones to do: he brought a winner back out onstage so she could give her speech without interruption by that idiot conductor with the itchy baton-hand (it's the same guy every year).

I'm sure the director or producer will try to take credit for this impromptu act of generosity, but the fact that it has never been done before is proof that somebody with great instincts has wrestled the telecast away from the heartless hacks who have run it for the past decades (Gil Cates, I'm callin' you out!) Since the courtesy was extended to the Czech singer from my favorite Irish musical "Once," I am doubly pleased.

The awards were spread-out nicely among the deserving nominees, except I would have liked for "The Diving Bell & the Butterfly" to get a statue. "La Vie en Rose" won two, however--who predicted that? Best Actress Marion Cotillard was a charming, gracious winner ... which leads to the second-half of my annual Oscar Recap: my totally-biased, unscientific ...

Best Dressed / Best-Looking List!
I'll say this right at the start: all those people who cannot bring themselves to say anything nice about Renee Zellweger (you know who you are) -- get over it! That talented Texas gal has a 'smoking-hot bod' -- smokin' hot!
6. Kelly Preston - wife of John Travolta
5. Anne Hathaway - red dress, porcelain skin
4. (tie) Penelope Cruz / Jennifer Garner - because these two carried-off the black (and because I'm running out of spots)
3. Amy Adams - green dress, porcelain skin, red hair (great combo!)
2. Katherine Heigl - I cannot deny her old-Hollywood glam!
1. (tie) Keri 'Felicity' Russell & (you guessed it!) Renee Zellweger!
(both wore silver).

This may not be the right time to air this gripe, but I am so sick of hearing (from media types) that the Oscar telecast is "the Super Bowl for women ... and gay men." Where, pray tell, do I fit in to that equation??

Sunday, February 24, 2008

OSCAR Want/Think/Winner!

Yes, it's time to make predictions, so without further ado:


Category Want / Think Winner [Pt.]
BEST PICTURE "No Country For Old Men" / "No Country For Old Men" [1]
BEST Director Paul Thomas Anderson "TWBB" / The Coen Bros. "NCFOM" [1]
BEST Actor Daniel Day-Lewis "TWBB" / Daniel Day-Lewis "TWBB" [1]
BEST Actress Marion Cotillard "La Vie en Rose" / Julie Christie "Away from Her" / Marion Cotillard
BEST Supporting Actor Javier Bardem "No Country" / Javier Bardem [1]
BEST Supporting Actress Amy Ryan "Gone Baby Gone" / Cate Blanchett "I'm Not There" / Tilda Swinton "Michael Clayton"
BEST Original Screenplay Diablo Cody "Juno" / Diablo Cody "Juno" [1]
BEST Adapted Screenplay Joel & Ethan Coen / Joel & Ethan Coen "NCFOM"[1]

BEST FOREIGN FILM "Mongol" (KAZ) / "The Counterfeiters" (AUS) [1]


BEST Original Score Dario Marianelli "Atonement" / Atonement [1]
BEST Original Song "Falling Slowly" Once / "Falling Slowly" Once [1]
[these two categories are -- or should be -- locks! And they were!!]

BEST Art Direction Sweeney Todd / There Will Be Blood /Sweeney Todd
BEST Cinematography Diving Bell...Butterfly / Diving Bell / There Will Be Blood
BEST Film Editing Diving Bell...Butterfly / No Country / Bourne
BEST Costume Design La Vie en Rose or Atonement / Atonement / Eliz. 2
BEST Make-up La Vie en Rose / Pirates 3 / La Vie en Rose
BEST Visual Effects The Golden Compass / Pirates 3 / The Golden Compass
BEST Sound Mixing Bourne or 3:10 to Yuma / Bourne [1]
BEST Sound Editing There Will Be Blood / No Country / Bourne
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
BEST ANIMATED FILM "Persepolis" / "Ratatouille" [1]
Best Documentary Feature "Sicko " / "No End in Sight" / Taxi to the Dark Side

Monday, February 18, 2008

I just experienced the greatest concert of my life...

. . . and I wasn't even there!

Before you say to yourself 'foreignfilmguy is tripping,' let me explain: I plunked down $13.50 to see an IMAX movie last Saturday night at 11:30pm, and it was worth every penny! Because it was "U2: 3D" The concert event of a lifetime!

Why? Because you get more than a front row seat: you actually get to reach out and touch the performers! On more than one occasion I wanted to: 1) wipe the sweat off of Adam Clayton's brow; or 2) reach out and touch fingers with BONO his-own-self! You are literally closer than any front row seat would provide (and those 3D glasses really work ... even though they've had 40 years to perfect the technology, you still have to wear cheap plastic glasses).

Also better than a real concert, you don't have to deal with the crowds, the smoke, the interminable wait for the show to start, or the dreaded 'new material.' Instead, U2 3D gives you their greatest hits, one after the other, without let up. I had chills up my spine during BOTH "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" and "New Year's Day" (my two faves). Except for maybe one song towards the end that drags (I won't say which one), there is not a weak moment in the entire show. [True confessions: I was late to the screening, so I missed half of "Beautiful Day" and all of "Vertigo."]

One minor drawback kept this from being the perfect concert-going experience: this South American chick who was sitting right in front of me kept standing up and waving her arms. And she wouldn't sit down!! [I was going to say something to her afterwards, but as soon a the movie was over, she was gone.]

I cannot close this review without giving credit where it is due: a week ago I got this email: 'Hey! Everybody stop what you're doing, find the nearest IMAX theater that's showing U2 3D and go there and experience it for yourself. You'll be blown completely away. And for the rest of your life you'll say to yourself "I sure am thankful Bum recommended I [see] that."' (And this from a guy who recommend I go see 'In the Shadow of the Moon.' That's what I'll remember for the rest of my life, Bum!!)

Thursday, January 31, 2008

I cannot wait any longer!

I have to post my TOP TEN LIST for 2007 before January ends--even though I haven't seen PERSEPOLIS or CHARLIE WILSON's WAR.

First, an overview: this have been the BEST year for movies in at least 3 years! It produced not one, but two memorable lines, "Friendo" & "Whoa...dream big!"

I could have easily flipped five of my 'honorable mentions' into the Top Ten. Nevertheless, in my mind, two films transcended all other movies in 2007 ... but you have to wait until the very end to find out which two!!

It is also encouraging that the critic's lists has been all over the map this year --I've seen very few repeats on anyone's lists. Mine is no exception -- except mine is the definitive list!

So I will start with my new favorite category:

Ambitious Failures:
I have to start with perhaps the most ambitious failure of all time:
I'm Not There - if you want to make a movie about Bob Dylan, make it about Bob Dylan!!
Across the Universe
Inland Empire

3 Worst:
3. Premonition (Sandy, I still love ya!)
2.
'300'
1. Goya's Ghosts

ehhh . . . what's the fuss?
Amazing Grace
Away From Her
The Kingdom
Michael Clayton
Rescue Dawn
Year of the Dog

Saw & enjoyed (13):
2 Days in Paris
3:10 to Yuma
Becoming Jane
The Bourne Ultimatum
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
The Golden Compass
Harry Potter 5
Into Great Silence (doc.)
The Jane Austen Book Club
A Mighty Heart
Ratatouille
The Savages
Sweeney Todd

Honorable mention (10):
(I had to think of a reason to keep these films out of the Top Ten!)
Before the Devil Knows You're Dead
Breach
Control (UK)
The Darjeeling Limited
Into the Wild
Juno
Margot at the Wedding
Sicko (doc.)
The Wind That Shakes the Barley (UK)
Zodiac

Top Ten Movies of 2007
10. Gone Baby Gone -- Breach and Zodiac are in a virtual tie for #10, but I have to give it to first-time director Ben Affleck and his love for South Boston.
9.
Lars and the Real Girl
8. The Lives of Others (Germany) - 2006's Oscar winner
7.
Eastern Promises
6. The Diving Bell & the Butterfly (France)
5. La Vie en Rose (France)
4. Once
(Ireland)
3. Atonement


. . . and now for the separation from great to awesome!. . .

2. There Will Be Blood -- ambitious movie-making on a grand scale, with a grand performance by Daniel Day-Lewis.

1. No Country For Old Men -- hands down, a brilliant movie. [Don't like the ending? So you think you're a better writer than Cormac McCarthy??]


Now it is on to the Oscars!

Monday, January 28, 2008

"And the SAG Goes to . . ."

As Alessandra Stanley pointed out in today's New York Times, no actor wants to hear those words! So instead, the envelope opening at last night's 14th annual Screen Actor's Guild awards was preceded by "And the actor goes to..." And with one exception, the recipients in the film categories were no surprise. In what is fast-becoming conventional wisdom this award season, the front-runners for the Oscars appear to be set. [See an upcoming post charting the major awards to see who will be prohibitive favorites this year.]

I was hoping for more intrigue from the acting community this year. Compared to the Oscar nominations, the SAGs got it right more times than it did not. Recognizing Angelina Jolie, Emile Hirsch, and Ryan Gosling makes up for their inexplicable nominees in the Best Ensemble Cast category: 3:10 to Yuma instead of Atonement?? Hairspray instead of Juno? Hell, I am amazed that American Gangster beat out the superior casts of There Will Be Blood, Gone Baby Gone, and Before the Devil Knows You're Dead! (I could pick five better nominees in this category, and I'm not even an actor!!)

None of the aforementioned deserving nominees won, of course. But I cannot make an argument against Daniel Day-Lewis, Javier Bardem, or the cast of No Country for Old Men winning last night. Nor would I want to. I do have a beef with the female acting categories: both smell of "career achievement" awards. True, Julie Christie has done some of her bravest, finest work in her 'mature years.' But did she give a better performance than Marion Cotillard? I don't think so!

Which leads us to "Female actor in a supporting role." You know what I think about this one! Can you say "Don Ameche: quick, give him an award before he dies?" Ruby Dee playing somebody's mamma--give me a break! Amy-Cate-
Tilda, all have reason to feel robbed. But especially Cate: I have to believe her stunning turn as Bob Dylan is being undervalued/overshadowed by her Best Actress nomination for Elizabeth. Her performance so dominated I'm Not There -- that's the role that deserves a Best Actress nod.

Before I close, I have to leave you with a list I usually save for my Oscar recap (but in these parlous times, who knows if there will even be an Oscars!) The Best Dressed/Best Looking List! (I'm only qualified to rank the females).

First, these women all looked great: Marion Cotillard, Diane Lane, Ellen Page, Anna Paquin, Amy Ryan. Perry Reeves.

Best Dressed/Best Looking:
Runners up:
Christina Applegate-Teri Hatcher-Jamie Lynn Sigler-'Sloan' from Entourage
#4. Vanessa Williams
#3. Kyra Sedgwick
#2. Marcia Cross
#1 (hands down): Kate Beckinsale !! (in fact, if Naomi Watts ever does anything to lose my favor, I think I have a replacement!)

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

In memoriam, part II

This is supposed to be a happy time of year, but as with the recent Golden Globes fiasco, my enthusiasm for awards season is once again crushed -- not by those selfish writers this time -- but by the shocking, untimely passing of the great actor HEATH LEDGER, on the same day the Oscar nominations are announced. So I cannot write my usual 'Outrage!' post with the same outrage (even though there is plenty to be outraged about!)

It was only two years ago that Ledger earned a well-deserved Academy Award nomination for his incredibly moving lead performance in "Brokeback Mountain" -- a performance that makes it impossible to argue with those (like 'friend of the blog' John Shepperd) who say he gave the Best Performance of the Year! [Even though Phillip Seymour Hoffman was a deserving winner as Truman 'Capote,' and even though, if I had a vote, I would have picked Terrence Howard, as the loveable Memphis pimp in "Hustle & Flow."] Ledger brought shadings to that gruff, uncommunicative cowboy that made you ache for his unhappiness.

I don't know for whom to feel more sad: co-star and former lover Michele Williams (and mother of his only child), co-star Jake Gyllenhaal, who shared some very intense and intimate moments with him onscreen in 'Brokeback,' or former co-star ("Ned Kelly") and lover Naomi Watts, who must be bummed that "Eastern Promises" got only ONE nomination! ("Transformers" got 3, for Christsakes!)

I am just relieved that Mary-Kate Olsen was cleared of all wrongdoing in this matter, in spite of the over-zealous New York Times reporting (Get your facts straight, NYT!)

Now, on to the nominations ....

WHAT? Did somebody decide "Michael Clayton" was a good movie and not tell me? Maybe I saw a different movie: the one I saw was a potentially-interesting story scuttled by an inept script and an even inept-er (!) director! I can think of half-a-dozen directors more deserving of an Oscar nomination than Tony Gilroy: David Cronenberg-Tim Burton-Joe Wright-Sidney Lumet-David Fincher-Sean Penn-Ben Affleck-Paul Greengrass (that's 8, and that's off the top of my head!!!).

In short, the movie was inept. Tom Wilkinson is a great actor, but he did NOT deserve a nomination for his valiant but unsuccessful effort to create a plausible character out of that mess of a script he was given: because Gilroy wanted to film it both ways, Wilkinson was not convincing as either a cutthroat corporate lawyer or as a stark-raving lunatic. So he failed to elicit respect or sympathy in his brief time on screen. I would have stood and cheered if that movie earned two nominations: for George Clooney's and Tilda Swinton's riveting performances. Instead, the Academy gave it seven, and a superior effort, Sean Penn's "Into the Wild" got two lousy nominations.

But the Academy's ineptness doesn't stop there. The EASIEST category to fill in 2007 was for "Best Original Score": there were exactly five film scores that transcended all competition:
ATONEMENT - Dario Marinelli (I have the CD!)
EASTERN PROMISES - Howard Shore
INTO THE WILD - Eddie Vedder
ONCE - Glen Hansard (I have the CD!)
THERE WILL BE BLOOD - Jonny Greenwood

(Notice a theme? Three of the five are by rock musicians.) The Academy, in its infinite hipness, got exactly one out of the five right (Atonement). ONE! Even the Globes got 3-out-of-5! My only solace is that John Williams was unemployed this year.

But that's not the biggest outrage: in the Best Actor category, Ryan Gosling ("Lars and the Real Girl") and Emile Hirsch ("Into the Wild") carried every frame of their respective movies. And what do they have to show for it? An invite to the SAG awards, that's what!

P.S. I feel as bad as anyone that Angelina Jolie got passed-over for her dead-on portrayal of Marianne Pearl in "A Mighty Heart." But don't blame Laura Linney for 'stealing' her spot. She was awesome in "The Savages." Instead, the weak member of the Best Actress category is -- surprisingly -- CATE BLANCHETT! [And I enjoyed both her and her movie!] But compared to her bust-out performance in "I'm Not There," this reprise of her already-nominated role in "Elizabeth," coming on the heels of Helen Mirren's stunning performance of the same character on HBO, just feels obligatory.

P.P.S. Don't even get foreignfilmguy started on the Best Foreign Language Film category! Romania was not even short-listed! That's how pathetic this category has become! [How can you not short-list Romania?]


I STILL LOVE YOU, CATE!

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Thanks for nothing, WGA!

Normally at this time of year, I would be writing my "Most wonderful time of the year" post, but not this year! I have to write this instead:

************************
Open letter to the Writer's Guild of America:

So you flex your muscles at the expense the 2008 Golden Globes, but you spare the SAG awards on TNT ... are you proud of yourselves? You must be feeling very powerful that you can pick and choose which awards shows (and late night shows) to which you give your imprimatur.

No sense of irony that awards shows contain the most-poorly written, lame, and unfunny drivel of anything your TV writers produce this side of "Two and a Half Men"? Not even a hint? You think you're making a stand by depriving America of that Bruce Vilanch-written banter crap we have to sit through every year? These shows will only be improved by not having a script!

Well, your ploy has backfired with this wannabe writer! How dare you deprive me of my single greatest joy of the movie season! And you threaten to do the same with the Academy Awards?? I wouldn't want to be on that picket line in front of the Kodak theater -- up against hoardes of those lunatic fans who camp out just to sit in the bleachers--if you strong-arm the stars to boycott the Oscars!!

Unaffectionately yours,
foreignfilmguy

********************
On the bright side, the Globes had an off-year in its nominations (especially on the TV side), so this cancellation might lessen the Globes influence on Academy voters. [I mean, they snubbed "Into the Wild"!] It also opens the door for a more obscure awards show to gain some influence: namely, last night's "Critic's Choice Awards" on VH-1 !
(I had never heard of them, either).

It was a great show! Helped in large measure by the stars it attracted: inaugural Joel Seigel award recipient, Don Cheadle, who brought all his high-powered friends (George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Sean Penn, and Casey Affleck). And host D.L. Hughely was actually funny --get him to write the Globe material!

But the critics did their best work in choosing the winners:
Best Song: "Falling Slowly", Once - yea!
Writer: Diablo Cody, Juno
Director(s): Joel & Ethan Coen, No Country for Old Men
Foreign Film: The Diving Bell & the Butterfly
Supp. Actress: Amy Ryan, Gone Baby Gone
Supp. Actor: Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men
[who managed to get a shot in at Pres. Bush, the only political moment of the night!]
Actress: Julie Christie, Away From Her
Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood

Best Picture: No Country for Old Men

So thank you, Broadcast Film Critics, for allowing me to announce for another year:

"Let the Awards Season Begin!!"

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Worst Movie Titles OF ALL TIME*

[* another post suggested by my brother!]

The recent release of the holiday family feature with the unfortunate title of "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium," prompted a critic at msn.com to come up with his ten worst movie titles. It's a good list, and I tried not to repeat too many of them in my list below. But he left out some glaring examples -- I've tried to stick to more recent movies (who would guess that the British would have a penchant for bad movie titles?)


10. "Finnegan Begin Again" (1985) -- I know, I know, this lame TV movie starring Robert Preston and Mary Tyler Moore doesn't even qualify -- and it would be completely forgotten by now except for its stupid title -- but I hate, hate, HATE the title so much, I am making an exception.

9. Boys on the Side (1995) -- a movie with a lot going for it, like a respected director (Herbert Ross) and an engaging cast (Mary Louise Parker, Whoopi Goldberg, Drew Barrymore and a very young Matthew McConnaughey!) But obviously the studio suits were so freaked-out by the lesbian storyline -- the Indigo Girls cameo must've given it away! -- that they did everything in their power to label it with as innocuous-sounding a title as possible. Job well done.

8. I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With (2007) -- I'm not upset that the title ends with a preposition as much as I am with the fact that a comedian with an obvious obesity problem (Jeff Garlin of "Curb Your Enthusiasm") enforces the stereotype by referencing eating in the title of his first movie! It encourages comments like "You've obviously found plenty of people to eat cheese with... and fries... and ice cream...."

7. Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking your Juice in the Hood (1996) -- I was going to give this movie a pass (it is a send-up, after all) but the phrase "while drinking your juice" is so tortured and unimaginative -- not to mention out-of-touch with the culture it parodies (WHO remembers the movie "Juice" anymore?) -- that it demands inclusion.

6. Divine Secrets of the Sweet Potato Queen's Ya-Ya Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants -- okay I made this up, but it's more clever than the Wayans' Brothers! (see #7). Think of this entry as a tie among all those lame-assed, 'chick lit' books that always seem to find an audience of book-club-loving women experiencing mid-life-crises (you get 'em, too, you know you do!). And the 'Sweet Potato Queen' isn't even a movie ... YET (no doubt someone is waiting for an opening in Sandra Bullock's schedule).

5. Hideous Kinky (UK 1998) -- Kate Winslet's first movie after her blockbuster break-out in "Titanic," this British indie is set in North Africa in 1972, but contrary to its title, it is neither hideous nor kinky! These two random adjectives, in fact, are the two favorite words her little girls use to mimic their fellow British travelers. What does it tell you about the movie? Nothing.

4. Nil by Mouth (UK 1997) -- Actor Gary Oldman makes his directing debut with a title that is incomprehensible to anyone outside of Britain. Apparently, the title refers to the instructions on prescription pills, translated as 'don't eat anything with this medicine.' Good to know for future reference, Gary, but what purpose does it serve as a movie title???

3. Wah-Wah (UK 2005) -- Another British import, again about more unwelcomed British ex-pats in Africa (which begs the question "where are they welcomed?") and their wacky customs. Coincidentally, the title is the phrase the one American character uses to disparage the Brits silly slang.

2. Freddy Got Fingered (2001) -- the less said about this monstrosity, the better.

And the Number 1 Worst Movie Title of All Time ......


1. OCTOPUSSY (1983) -- this choice needs no explanation. It is as big an embarrassment today as it was 24 years ago (I was in college, and it still made me cringe!)