Worst Movie Titles OF ALL TIME*

[* another post suggested by my brother!]

The recent release of the holiday family feature with the unfortunate title of "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium," prompted a critic at msn.com to come up with his ten worst movie titles. It's a good list, and I tried not to repeat too many of them in my list below. But he left out some glaring examples -- I've tried to stick to more recent movies (who would guess that the British would have a penchant for bad movie titles?)


10. "Finnegan Begin Again" (1985) -- I know, I know, this lame TV movie starring Robert Preston and Mary Tyler Moore doesn't even qualify -- and it would be completely forgotten by now except for its stupid title -- but I hate, hate, HATE the title so much, I am making an exception.

9. Boys on the Side (1995) -- a movie with a lot going for it, like a respected director (Herbert Ross) and an engaging cast (Mary Louise Parker, Whoopi Goldberg, Drew Barrymore and a very young Matthew McConnaughey!) But obviously the studio suits were so freaked-out by the lesbian storyline -- the Indigo Girls cameo must've given it away! -- that they did everything in their power to label it with as innocuous-sounding a title as possible. Job well done.

8. I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With (2007) -- I'm not upset that the title ends with a preposition as much as I am with the fact that a comedian with an obvious obesity problem (Jeff Garlin of "Curb Your Enthusiasm") enforces the stereotype by referencing eating in the title of his first movie! It encourages comments like "You've obviously found plenty of people to eat cheese with... and fries... and ice cream...."

7. Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking your Juice in the Hood (1996) -- I was going to give this movie a pass (it is a send-up, after all) but the phrase "while drinking your juice" is so tortured and unimaginative -- not to mention out-of-touch with the culture it parodies (WHO remembers the movie "Juice" anymore?) -- that it demands inclusion.

6. Divine Secrets of the Sweet Potato Queen's Ya-Ya Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants -- okay I made this up, but it's more clever than the Wayans' Brothers! (see #7). Think of this entry as a tie among all those lame-assed, 'chick lit' books that always seem to find an audience of book-club-loving women experiencing mid-life-crises (you get 'em, too, you know you do!). And the 'Sweet Potato Queen' isn't even a movie ... YET (no doubt someone is waiting for an opening in Sandra Bullock's schedule).

5. Hideous Kinky (UK 1998) -- Kate Winslet's first movie after her blockbuster break-out in "Titanic," this British indie is set in North Africa in 1972, but contrary to its title, it is neither hideous nor kinky! These two random adjectives, in fact, are the two favorite words her little girls use to mimic their fellow British travelers. What does it tell you about the movie? Nothing.

4. Nil by Mouth (UK 1997) -- Actor Gary Oldman makes his directing debut with a title that is incomprehensible to anyone outside of Britain. Apparently, the title refers to the instructions on prescription pills, translated as 'don't eat anything with this medicine.' Good to know for future reference, Gary, but what purpose does it serve as a movie title???

3. Wah-Wah (UK 2005) -- Another British import, again about more unwelcomed British ex-pats in Africa (which begs the question "where are they welcomed?") and their wacky customs. Coincidentally, the title is the phrase the one American character uses to disparage the Brits silly slang.

2. Freddy Got Fingered (2001) -- the less said about this monstrosity, the better.

And the Number 1 Worst Movie Title of All Time ......


1. OCTOPUSSY (1983) -- this choice needs no explanation. It is as big an embarrassment today as it was 24 years ago (I was in college, and it still made me cringe!)