"And the SAG Goes to . . ."

As Alessandra Stanley pointed out in today's New York Times, no actor wants to hear those words! So instead, the envelope opening at last night's 14th annual Screen Actor's Guild awards was preceded by "And the actor goes to..." And with one exception, the recipients in the film categories were no surprise. In what is fast-becoming conventional wisdom this award season, the front-runners for the Oscars appear to be set. [See an upcoming post charting the major awards to see who will be prohibitive favorites this year.]

I was hoping for more intrigue from the acting community this year. Compared to the Oscar nominations, the SAGs got it right more times than it did not. Recognizing Angelina Jolie, Emile Hirsch, and Ryan Gosling makes up for their inexplicable nominees in the Best Ensemble Cast category: 3:10 to Yuma instead of Atonement?? Hairspray instead of Juno? Hell, I am amazed that American Gangster beat out the superior casts of There Will Be Blood, Gone Baby Gone, and Before the Devil Knows You're Dead! (I could pick five better nominees in this category, and I'm not even an actor!!)

None of the aforementioned deserving nominees won, of course. But I cannot make an argument against Daniel Day-Lewis, Javier Bardem, or the cast of No Country for Old Men winning last night. Nor would I want to. I do have a beef with the female acting categories: both smell of "career achievement" awards. True, Julie Christie has done some of her bravest, finest work in her 'mature years.' But did she give a better performance than Marion Cotillard? I don't think so!

Which leads us to "Female actor in a supporting role." You know what I think about this one! Can you say "Don Ameche: quick, give him an award before he dies?" Ruby Dee playing somebody's mamma--give me a break! Amy-Cate-
Tilda, all have reason to feel robbed. But especially Cate: I have to believe her stunning turn as Bob Dylan is being undervalued/overshadowed by her Best Actress nomination for Elizabeth. Her performance so dominated I'm Not There -- that's the role that deserves a Best Actress nod.

Before I close, I have to leave you with a list I usually save for my Oscar recap (but in these parlous times, who knows if there will even be an Oscars!) The Best Dressed/Best Looking List! (I'm only qualified to rank the females).

First, these women all looked great: Marion Cotillard, Diane Lane, Ellen Page, Anna Paquin, Amy Ryan. Perry Reeves.

Best Dressed/Best Looking:
Runners up:
Christina Applegate-Teri Hatcher-Jamie Lynn Sigler-'Sloan' from Entourage
#4. Vanessa Williams
#3. Kyra Sedgwick
#2. Marcia Cross
#1 (hands down): Kate Beckinsale !! (in fact, if Naomi Watts ever does anything to lose my favor, I think I have a replacement!)

In memoriam, part II

This is supposed to be a happy time of year, but as with the recent Golden Globes fiasco, my enthusiasm for awards season is once again crushed -- not by those selfish writers this time -- but by the shocking, untimely passing of the great actor HEATH LEDGER, on the same day the Oscar nominations are announced. So I cannot write my usual 'Outrage!' post with the same outrage (even though there is plenty to be outraged about!)

It was only two years ago that Ledger earned a well-deserved Academy Award nomination for his incredibly moving lead performance in "Brokeback Mountain" -- a performance that makes it impossible to argue with those (like 'friend of the blog' John Shepperd) who say he gave the Best Performance of the Year! [Even though Phillip Seymour Hoffman was a deserving winner as Truman 'Capote,' and even though, if I had a vote, I would have picked Terrence Howard, as the loveable Memphis pimp in "Hustle & Flow."] Ledger brought shadings to that gruff, uncommunicative cowboy that made you ache for his unhappiness.

I don't know for whom to feel more sad: co-star and former lover Michele Williams (and mother of his only child), co-star Jake Gyllenhaal, who shared some very intense and intimate moments with him onscreen in 'Brokeback,' or former co-star ("Ned Kelly") and lover Naomi Watts, who must be bummed that "Eastern Promises" got only ONE nomination! ("Transformers" got 3, for Christsakes!)

I am just relieved that Mary-Kate Olsen was cleared of all wrongdoing in this matter, in spite of the over-zealous New York Times reporting (Get your facts straight, NYT!)

Now, on to the nominations ....

WHAT? Did somebody decide "Michael Clayton" was a good movie and not tell me? Maybe I saw a different movie: the one I saw was a potentially-interesting story scuttled by an inept script and an even inept-er (!) director! I can think of half-a-dozen directors more deserving of an Oscar nomination than Tony Gilroy: David Cronenberg-Tim Burton-Joe Wright-Sidney Lumet-David Fincher-Sean Penn-Ben Affleck-Paul Greengrass (that's 8, and that's off the top of my head!!!).

In short, the movie was inept. Tom Wilkinson is a great actor, but he did NOT deserve a nomination for his valiant but unsuccessful effort to create a plausible character out of that mess of a script he was given: because Gilroy wanted to film it both ways, Wilkinson was not convincing as either a cutthroat corporate lawyer or as a stark-raving lunatic. So he failed to elicit respect or sympathy in his brief time on screen. I would have stood and cheered if that movie earned two nominations: for George Clooney's and Tilda Swinton's riveting performances. Instead, the Academy gave it seven, and a superior effort, Sean Penn's "Into the Wild" got two lousy nominations.

But the Academy's ineptness doesn't stop there. The EASIEST category to fill in 2007 was for "Best Original Score": there were exactly five film scores that transcended all competition:
ATONEMENT - Dario Marinelli (I have the CD!)
EASTERN PROMISES - Howard Shore
INTO THE WILD - Eddie Vedder
ONCE - Glen Hansard (I have the CD!)
THERE WILL BE BLOOD - Jonny Greenwood

(Notice a theme? Three of the five are by rock musicians.) The Academy, in its infinite hipness, got exactly one out of the five right (Atonement). ONE! Even the Globes got 3-out-of-5! My only solace is that John Williams was unemployed this year.

But that's not the biggest outrage: in the Best Actor category, Ryan Gosling ("Lars and the Real Girl") and Emile Hirsch ("Into the Wild") carried every frame of their respective movies. And what do they have to show for it? An invite to the SAG awards, that's what!

P.S. I feel as bad as anyone that Angelina Jolie got passed-over for her dead-on portrayal of Marianne Pearl in "A Mighty Heart." But don't blame Laura Linney for 'stealing' her spot. She was awesome in "The Savages." Instead, the weak member of the Best Actress category is -- surprisingly -- CATE BLANCHETT! [And I enjoyed both her and her movie!] But compared to her bust-out performance in "I'm Not There," this reprise of her already-nominated role in "Elizabeth," coming on the heels of Helen Mirren's stunning performance of the same character on HBO, just feels obligatory.

P.P.S. Don't even get foreignfilmguy started on the Best Foreign Language Film category! Romania was not even short-listed! That's how pathetic this category has become! [How can you not short-list Romania?]

I STILL LOVE YOU, CATE!

Thanks for nothing, WGA!

Normally at this time of year, I would be writing my "Most wonderful time of the year" post, but not this year! I have to write this instead:

************************
Open letter to the Writer's Guild of America:

So you flex your muscles at the expense the 2008 Golden Globes, but you spare the SAG awards on TNT ... are you proud of yourselves? You must be feeling very powerful that you can pick and choose which awards shows (and late night shows) to which you give your imprimatur.

No sense of irony that awards shows contain the most-poorly written, lame, and unfunny drivel of anything your TV writers produce this side of "Two and a Half Men"? Not even a hint? You think you're making a stand by depriving America of that Bruce Vilanch-written banter crap we have to sit through every year? These shows will only be improved by not having a script!

Well, your ploy has backfired with this wannabe writer! How dare you deprive me of my single greatest joy of the movie season! And you threaten to do the same with the Academy Awards?? I wouldn't want to be on that picket line in front of the Kodak theater -- up against hoardes of those lunatic fans who camp out just to sit in the bleachers--if you strong-arm the stars to boycott the Oscars!!

Unaffectionately yours,
foreignfilmguy

********************
On the bright side, the Globes had an off-year in its nominations (especially on the TV side), so this cancellation might lessen the Globes influence on Academy voters. [I mean, they snubbed "Into the Wild"!] It also opens the door for a more obscure awards show to gain some influence: namely, last night's "Critic's Choice Awards" on VH-1 !
(I had never heard of them, either).

It was a great show! Helped in large measure by the stars it attracted: inaugural Joel Seigel award recipient, Don Cheadle, who brought all his high-powered friends (George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Sean Penn, and Casey Affleck). And host D.L. Hughely was actually funny --get him to write the Globe material!

But the critics did their best work in choosing the winners:
Best Song: "Falling Slowly", Once - yea!
Writer: Diablo Cody, Juno
Director(s): Joel & Ethan Coen, No Country for Old Men
Foreign Film: The Diving Bell & the Butterfly
Supp. Actress: Amy Ryan, Gone Baby Gone
Supp. Actor: Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men
[who managed to get a shot in at Pres. Bush, the only political moment of the night!]
Actress: Julie Christie, Away From Her
Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood
Best Picture: No Country for Old Men

So thank you, Broadcast Film Critics, for allowing me to announce for another year:

"Let the Awards Season Begin!!"

Worst Movie Titles OF ALL TIME*

[* another post suggested by my brother!]

The recent release of the holiday family feature with the unfortunate title of "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium," prompted a critic at msn.com to come up with his ten worst movie titles. It's a good list, and I tried not to repeat too many of them in my list below. But he left out some glaring examples -- I've tried to stick to more recent movies (who would guess that the British would have a penchant for bad movie titles?)


10. "Finnegan Begin Again" (1985) -- I know, I know, this lame TV movie starring Robert Preston and Mary Tyler Moore doesn't even qualify -- and it would be completely forgotten by now except for its stupid title -- but I hate, hate, HATE the title so much, I am making an exception.

9. Boys on the Side (1995) -- a movie with a lot going for it, like a respected director (Herbert Ross) and an engaging cast (Mary Louise Parker, Whoopi Goldberg, Drew Barrymore and a very young Matthew McConnaughey!) But obviously the studio suits were so freaked-out by the lesbian storyline -- the Indigo Girls cameo must've given it away! -- that they did everything in their power to label it with as innocuous-sounding a title as possible. Job well done.

8. I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With (2007) -- I'm not upset that the title ends with a preposition as much as I am with the fact that a comedian with an obvious obesity problem (Jeff Garlin of "Curb Your Enthusiasm") enforces the stereotype by referencing eating in the title of his first movie! It encourages comments like "You've obviously found plenty of people to eat cheese with... and fries... and ice cream...."

7. Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking your Juice in the Hood (1996) -- I was going to give this movie a pass (it is a send-up, after all) but the phrase "while drinking your juice" is so tortured and unimaginative -- not to mention out-of-touch with the culture it parodies (WHO remembers the movie "Juice" anymore?) -- that it demands inclusion.

6. Divine Secrets of the Sweet Potato Queen's Ya-Ya Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants -- okay I made this up, but it's more clever than the Wayans' Brothers! (see #7). Think of this entry as a tie among all those lame-assed, 'chick lit' books that always seem to find an audience of book-club-loving women experiencing mid-life-crises (you get 'em, too, you know you do!). And the 'Sweet Potato Queen' isn't even a movie ... YET (no doubt someone is waiting for an opening in Sandra Bullock's schedule).

5. Hideous Kinky (UK 1998) -- Kate Winslet's first movie after her blockbuster break-out in "Titanic," this British indie is set in North Africa in 1972, but contrary to its title, it is neither hideous nor kinky! These two random adjectives, in fact, are the two favorite words her little girls use to mimic their fellow British travelers. What does it tell you about the movie? Nothing.

4. Nil by Mouth (UK 1997) -- Actor Gary Oldman makes his directing debut with a title that is incomprehensible to anyone outside of Britain. Apparently, the title refers to the instructions on prescription pills, translated as 'don't eat anything with this medicine.' Good to know for future reference, Gary, but what purpose does it serve as a movie title???

3. Wah-Wah (UK 2005) -- Another British import, again about more unwelcomed British ex-pats in Africa (which begs the question "where are they welcomed?") and their wacky customs. Coincidentally, the title is the phrase the one American character uses to disparage the Brits silly slang.

2. Freddy Got Fingered (2001) -- the less said about this monstrosity, the better.

And the Number 1 Worst Movie Title of All Time ......


1. OCTOPUSSY (1983) -- this choice needs no explanation. It is as big an embarrassment today as it was 24 years ago (I was in college, and it still made me cringe!)

"I'm not here"

The above message flashes on the screen during the opening credits of 'I'm Not There," Todd Haynes' pseudo biography of the enigmatic Bob Dylan. I remember that line because for long stretches of this movie I felt:
a) I wish I wasn't here, stuck in this frustrating mess if a movie; and b) Bob Dylan himself is largely absent from what is billed as his life story.

The filmmaker's well-documented gimmick of using six different actors to portray the many sides of Dylan is just that -- a gimmick. [And not even an original one: Todd Solondz thought of it first for his "Palindromes."] From the beginning it alienates the audience from ever engaging in the story, and by the end, you are left thinking you are watching random clips from several different movies.

That is a shame, because at least three of these snippets from the life of someone who sounds alot like Dylan could have turned into a watchable film. I'd love to see more of both Christian Bale and unknown Ben Whishaw; unfortunatley, Haynes wastes these two performances by relegating them to bit parts in their own movie. Bale's scenes are in the context of a faux documentary of the early, folkie Dylan-- never was there a lazier way for a screenwriter to tell a story. Julianne Moore is even more misused as a stand-in for Joan Baez in this lame and uninteresting device. Whishaw has a more difficult task: pretend you are testifying before some sort of Congressional committee as Arthur Rimbaud. (I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to!)

The third story that works is, of course, Cate Blanchett's brilliant star turn. But, in fairness, she is given the most screen time, the most-coherent storyline, and the best lines! Heath Ledger, playing an actor who played Christian Bale's character in a movie version of his life, gets the next most screen time--but who is he and what is his problem, exactly? We never find out. Annoyingly, each of these facets of Dylan is given a different character name, adding needless confusion to an already confusing conceit.

At its best, the movie attempts to delve into the obscure lyrics and contradictory personalities that defined Dylan at various points in his life. One of the best scenes plays like a glorified music video for "Ballad of a Thin Man" (pulling that off in the context of a film is no mean feat, as Julie Taymor recently found out the hard way). Charlotte Gainsbourg and Michelle Williams, as Dylan's wife and one of his unlikely flings, Edie Sedgwick, respectively, make striking impressions. But why bother investing in these characters, when you know the rug is about to be pulled out from under them (and you) soon enough?

The most-tiring episode (for me) was a sentimentalized depiction of Dylan's own myth-making: the one that has him starting out as a travelling folk musician in the tradition of Woody Guthrie. Haynes uses the character of a precocious black kid to personify the formative influences of the artist. Give me a break! Robert Zimmerman was from 'b.f.' Minnesota ... Deal with THAT reality, Haynes! Don't buy into his mythologizing of a childhood that was uniquely, normally -- even boringly --American. A critical look at that reality would make for a compelling sequence, not some too-cute homage to both the folk and blues music that Dylan somehow drew on and assimilated from his most ordinary of upbringings.

The entire enterprise reminds me of another 'ambitious failure' -- an end-of-year movie category I created especially for such a movie -- Steven Shainberg's "Fur: an Imaginary Portrait" (of Diane Arbus). It takes quite a bit of hubris to use the life of a gifted artist as a jumping off point for your own flights of self-important, often delusional, artistry. I don't know the details of Dylan's life and career; what's more, I resent having to research that life to figure out what the hell was going on in this movie! Sure, D.A. Pennebaker filmed a documentary called "Don't Look Back." And Dylan himself had a bit part in a movie called "Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid." I didn't see either of them; if you saw them both, then you might appreciate this movie more than I did. Maybe.

As for the sixth actor to portray Dylan, I have nothing bad to say about Richard Gere. He does a nice job with his material. My problem? What the f**k is his material doing in this movie??

[The above review brought to you as a public service, so you won't have to sit through this movie and wonder why I didn't warn you away from it. Consider yourself warned.]

Top Ten Films about Children

This post was inspired by a recent screening of an obscure (to me) Spanish film from 1973: Victor Erice's surreal debut, "The Spirit of the Beehive" -- an atmospheric post-Civil War period piece (think of it like "Pan's Labyrinth" without the scary monsters). The plot centers on two young sisters with active imaginations who, after watching a screening of "Frankenstein" at their local theater (a Spanish 'Cinema Paradiso'), create their own fantasy involving an abandoned farmhouse and its supposed inhabitant. Like all good movies from the 1970s, it is deliberate, obtuse, and challenging -- and very perceptive about the complexities of childhood: the innocence, the loss of it, the sibling manipulation and cruelty ... all that good stuff. Much like the following movies (all foreign films, interestingly -- because 'Stand By Me' never really did it for me, Rob Reiner and 'the fat kid'!)

10. The Spirit of the Beehive
9. The River (Jean Renoir)
8. tie: Wild Reeds & Au Revoir, Les Enfants (both about French adolescence)
7. Pather Panchali (India: 1955) -- I can't leave out Apu!
6. I'm Not Scared (one of many Italian films I could have included)
5. The Traveler (Iran: 1974) -- that is how Abbas Kiarostami's black and white masterpiece is listed in IMDB (but I swear I saw it at the National Gallery of Art under a different title). It is about a little boy's efforts to get to Tehran to see the national soccer team play. Brilliant.
4. Chocolat (France: 1988)
3. Ponette (France: 1996)
2. My Life as a Dog (Sweden: 1985)

... and the #1 movie about childhood --

1. To Be and to Have (France) -- nothing is more authentic than a documentary about real French kids!

I know I'm forgetting some, so submit your own nominees.

"ONCE" Set List

Dateline -- AUSTIN (November 15, 2007):

I am an admittedly biased reviewer, so I will only say that it was a magical night of music at the outdoor stage of Stubb's Barbecue last Thursday night. As anyone who has SEEN the movie knows (and only four people I know have, as far as I can tell), Glen Hansard is a dynamic performer, and he carried the show. Marketa Irglova was, by contrast, very much a supporting player, which also fits her personality (she is not a professional, and this is her first tour ever!)

Hansard came out solo (with that same old, beat-up guitar he used in the film--holes and all) and performed "Say it to Me Now." Next, he introduced Marketa and they did a duet of "All the Way Down." Then, he introduced the rest of The Frames, who came out for "Lies." At one point, she took his old guitar for a solo while he sat down on her piano bench.

The rest of the set (as best I can remember) went like this:
-- two new songs: one with a working title about 'Heartstrings;' the other was called 'Drown Out'
-- "When Your Mind's Made Up"
-- two more new songs: Edges of the Night (?) and "This Low"
--an impromptu audience request of 'Cry Me a River' (a Frames hit?)
-- Falling Slowly
-- Hoover Fixer Sucker Guy (another audience request)
-- Leave
-- ?? lay me down ??
-- a Pixies cover ('I want my life to make more sense'?)

ENCORE #1:
"Once"
"Star-Star ... " ??
"If You Want Me" -- finally, marketa!!

ENCORE #2:
"Fitzcarraldo" (a Frames song)
"Deviltown" (a Daniel Johnston song) -- where he lead the audience in a sing-along, asking the obliging crowd to snap their fingers, repeat the chorus, and file out quietly (which they started to do!). That lead him to shout "Austin, you Fuckin' Rule!!"

And the concert was over.

Wes Anderson does it again

[A special 'travelling post' coming to you from the Halcyon coffee shop on 4th St. in lovely downtown Austin, Texas!! (Site of Wes Anderson/Owen Wilson's first collaboration, "Bottle Rocket"). I'm here to see the stars of "Once" -- in concert!]

"The Darjeeling Limited" -- I always enjoy a Wes Anderson movie, no matter what anyone else says: from "Rushmore" (filmed in Houston), to "The Royal Tenenbaums" to "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou." And this movie proudly joins that list. Stylistically inventive like his previous films, it is also engaging, funny, clever and cheeky. Shot in vivid colors, it is a sumptuous travelogue of India. It's the kind of film critics love to describe by trotting out useless descriptors like 'precious' and 'twee' -- both of those courtesy of the New York Times -- to denigrate Anderson's unique, quirky style. My retort: "It's his style -- get used to it!"

Also, I have a soft spot for any movie that takes place on a train. (Movie truism #1: train movies work; plane movies do not. Latest example: that Jodie Foster vehicle I refer to as "Panic Room on a Plane" because I can never remember the name of it. Another sexless starring role for Jodie Foster (in addition to the two previously mentioned, look at 'The Brave One' and 'Inside Man') which is a shame from such a fine actress. Why is she afraid to play a character with a sex life??? I do not care what sexual orientation she portrays (or lives) just show us something! Hell, she was asexual in "Anna and the King" and that was a romance!!) [How can you be sexless when you're playing opposite Chow Yun Fat, girlfriend!?!!]

I digress. The performances by the three leads are all on-pitch (Wilson, Schwartzman, and Adrien Brody; even though they share zero sibling resemblance). They are petty and selfish and needy ... just like real brothers! =) The movie does take a too-serious detour that is out-of-step with the mood of the piece (consequently, the emotions it evokes do not feel earned). But it does lead to a necessary flashback sequence that fleshes-out the characters of the three brothers.

I cannot imagine enjoying it as much if I hadn't seen the essential short film that now precedes the feature, "Hotel Chevalier," filmed in the chic Hotel Rafael in Paris. It sets the tone for the feature and informs the Jason Schwartzman character and two key scenes. I wonder why it was not included with the main film in the first place.

Look for great cameos by Anjelica Huston, Bill Murray (redeeming himself for appearing in the execrable "The Lost City" last year), and director Barbet Schroeder (redeeming himself after appearing in an execrable sequence in "Paris, Je t'aime" this year). I suppose I have a favorite adjective, too.

Quick takes (part 2)

"Becoming Jane" -- Any movie with a fan blog as good as this one has to have something going for it: sure, Jane Austen brings her own fan club with her wherever she goes, but I think this movie's success is due more to the charming, assured performance by the Prada Princess herself, Anne Hathaway (if "Brokeback Mountain" had a 'P' in it, I would have referenced that, too). She silences all doubters that a lowly American can play a Brit convincingly (didn't Katy, Texas-native Renee Zellweger silence those haters once and for all?). The historical jumping-off point for the story is purely fictional, but I jumped anyway, and enjoyed the trip!

"The Jane Austen Book Club" -- Speaking of Jane Austen fan clubs, this movie is a tailor-made chick-flick: it's all about relationships, talking about relationships, book clubs, more talking ... and I loved every minute of it! Interesting characters, clever plotting, appealing performances (especially by Emily Blunt, and my fave, Maria Bello), all make you overlook the unconvincing, politically-correct lesbian subplot (all the lesbians are 'hot': how unbelievable is that!?) and the predictability of it all.

"Gone Baby Gone" -- major props to Ben Affleck in his directing debut. The guy was obviously paying attention on the set. He smartly stays in the milieu he is most comfortable: the mean streets of Dorchester, South Boston. And boy are they mean! He brings an obvious affection for the neighborhood and its denizens, while not shying away from the ugly side (and boy does it get ugly!). Amy Ryan is awesome in bringing both sides to life. An effective crime thriller that doesn't shy away from hard-to-answer questions (impressively, it tackles them head-on), this Dennis Lehane story is just a notch below the previous film adaptation of his work, "Mystic River." And a notch below Clint Eastwood is a good place to start.

"Lars & the Real Girl" -- this movie is the cream of the crop, even though it is getting panned as cloying and unbelievable. The guy falls in love with a blow-up doll: what part do you not believe? In a more convincing portrayal than his excellent performance in "Half Nelson", the great Ryan Gosling makes you believe! I bought in to the sadness behind this slapstick premise, precisely because of Gosling's totally committed performance. The supporting cast all bought into it, too, which makes it a more heart-wrenching than laugh-out-loud comedy.

--Hey, I liked all four movies: how unbelievable is that!?! -- ffg

"Across the Universe"

Julie Taymor is a gifted artist and director. Not just for "The Lion King" either: her feature film debut, an adaptation of Shakespeare's "Titus" starring Anthony Hopkins and Kate Beckinsale, was shocking and inspired. So imagine my disappointment after sitting through 140-minutes of "Across the Universe." I won't sugarcoat it: the movie is a complete and total misfire.

It is a great concept: fashioning a story out of the music of the Beatles, set during the time the songs were created, and interpreted by a cast who were not even born when the songs were hits. The cast of young, energetic, relative unknowns acquits itself well. (Except for one female cast member, who goes by the unfortunate name of 'T.V. Carpio' -- with a name like that, I hope she stays unknown!)

But this mess of a story with an oh-so multi-cultural cast often feels like a warmed-over "Rent" (with a better soundtrack). Before that, it comes across as a spin-off of NBC's short-lived "American Dreams." And worst of all, its depiction of the Sixties is so cliche-ridden it has all the complexity of "Forrest Gump" (again with a better soundtrack). [Note: I put that last movie in quotes, to point out that the politics in that overrated movie is even more simplistic than the intelligence of its title character!]

'ATU' never even attempts to create real characters or wring true emotions out of its protagonists. Think of it as the anti-'Once.' Without these elements, it amounts to nothing more than a collection of music videos--and not very cutting-edge videos at that. The dancing, the editing, the camera angles are all so 'been there, seen that on MTV when they used to show videos!' Only one set piece resonated with me: 'Strawberry Fields Forever,' an artistic expression of both the violence in Vietnam and the inability to stop it at home.

The rest of the interpretations are too damn literal! The beauty of a classic Lennon-McCartney song is that it defies literal interpretation. How can you make sense of a song like "I Am the Walrus" ... and why would you want to? In case you think I am exagerrating, note the ludricous heights (or depths) Taymor reaches when she acts out the lyrics "She's so heavy" (from 'I Want You') and "Mother Superior jumped the gun" (from 'Happiness is a Warm Gun'). Cringe-inducing.

Sure, the screenwriters make maximum use of Beatles lore with inside references and verbal and visual puns: the character names of Jude and Prudence lead to the inevitable (but well done) songs; the main character cuts a Granny Smith apple in half; and the movie's climax comes at an impromptu rooftop concert -- all are nice touches. Some of the best moments are provided by the cameos from real stars: Joe Cocker singing "Come Together"; Bono doing his best non-Irish accented acting before breaking into "I am the Walrus" in full U2 brogue. (This is the second movie in two years where Bono elevates an otherwise weak movie: remember last year's Leonard Cohen doc "I'm Your Man"?)

But this overlong film simply becomes a contest to see how many disparate Fab Four songs it can cram into one movie, without regard to coherence or flow. If Taymor had begun her movie with the end credits (a trippy "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" sung by the incomparable Bono--again!) it would have set the bar at a point where her creativity could have taken off. Instead, we get a brief appearance by her giant puppets (at a protest march, naturally) and not one, but five Salma Hayeks, dressed for Halloween as a 'naughty nurse.' Sometimes you gotta give the people what they want. What I wanted was something a little more daring from the creator of the Lion King and Titus.