THE OUTRAGE !!

* aka 'My annual reaction to the Academy Award nominations'

I say that every year, but aside from a handful of glaring omissions, the nominations have few surprises; they are becoming as predictable as the winners eventually turn out to be.

As befits my nom de plume, I will start with Best Foreign Film: of the record 61 submissions in this category, surely Volver from Spain was one of the five best (it is clearly one of the best foreign films I've seen this year); and it did make the short-list of nine announced a week ago (in a new twist by the Academy). Of the five that made the cut, I have only seen 'Water' from Canada, and let me say 1) it's not as good as Volver; and 2) "IT'S NOT CANADIAN!" Set in India, filmed in Sri Lanka, in Hindi, with an all-South Asian cast! I'm sure it was financed in Canada, and the director may be a Canadian citizen, but come on! If Canada wants to horn-in on this category (you don't see Britain or Australia pulling this trick!) they should stick to nominating those Quebecois films in French that get routinely ignored.

Obviously, the nominators failed to read my "Memo to the Academy" (alas) since they ignored 8 of my 10 suggestions -- Hollywoodland, Stranger Than Fiction, Running with Scissors = ZERO nominations! (Mark Wahlberg and Jackie Earle Haley for Best Supp. Actor they got right).

But at least in the Original Score category, they spared us the perennial overblown bombast from these usual suspects: Danny Elfman, James Horner, Howard Shore, and -- the king of bombast -- John Williams!! I won't even begrudge Randy Newman his annual spot in the Original Song loser's circle, because at least his songs are integrated into the story, and not tacked-on during the closing credits to gain airplay and free publicity on MTV2 (case in point: the totally inappropriate 'Blood Diamond rap' that closes that film). My early favorite for Original Score is Frenchman Alexandre Desplat, as much for his lush and tragic (and tragically-overlooked, except by the Globes) score to The Painted Veil as for his nominated The Queen.

That leads to my Big Outrage #1: Michael Sheen in The Queen was NOT nominated for Best Supporting Actor! (he played Tony Blair to a 'T' in what was likely THE best performance in a supporting role for the year!) Also, aside from Markie-Mark, how could they ignore the great ensemble work by everyone else in The Departed?

And which nominees stole their spots? I could go either way on this one: Alan Arkin has been playing that same "irascible old coot" in films for ages, but since Little Miss Sunshine is an industry darling (there's nothing like making back your investment!) I'll skewer the other popular choice: Djimon Hounsou in Blood Diamond. YES! I know, I know what you're thinking: "but he's so strong and black and handsome... he's good in everything." That's because he plays the same character in everything!! You know: the proud but angry black man standing up for his _____ (freedom, family, diamonds). That role was already perfected by Denzel Washington's Oscar-winning turn in Glory. But that was 1989, for gosh sakes! From the same director (Edward Zwick). Talk about dipping to that well too many times -- I'll bet he'd have written that stock character into The Last Samurai had black people been able to travel to China in the 1870s.

Big Outrage #2:
In the Best 'Adapted' Screenplay category appears ... Borat! Borat?
I have two questions:
1) Adapted from WHAT, exactly???
2) When are these writing groups going to get off their kick for celebrating improvisation? Love it or hate it (mark me in the latter category), improvisational comedy is by definition not written down! Where's the Screenplay? Half of the work is done either by the actors or the unwitting stooges they play off of. You might as well nominate those two South Carolina frat-boys in Borat while you're at it.

I'm so sick of comedies where you are forced to sit an WAIT while actors strain to work through their characters to get to something funny, in the hope that they will eventually make you laugh. I want to yell "Show me the finished product, AFTER you've workshopped this bit!" With all these accolades heaped on this type of 'writing,' audiences are condemned to suffer through another "For Your Consideration" by the supremely INSUFFERABLE no-talent Christopher Guest. You have been duly warned.