Mother & Child
Director & Writer: Rodrigo Garcia
Director & Writer: Rodrigo Garcia
Nothing gets foreignfilmguy's juices flowing more than an aggressively bad movie -- not a campy bad movie, or lowest-common-denominator, make-a-quick-buck bad, or bloated Hollywood mega-production bad -- I'm talking earnest, "let's make a statement movie" bad! Readers, I give you "Mother & Child."
This ill-conceived attempt at filmmaking labors on at a painfully bloated 120-minutes, and arrives stillborn (that's it for my childbirth references, I promise). If I were to "pitch" a movie as a cross between "Juno" and "Crash" I'd be laughed out of every film studio in Hollywood. Except one, apparently, and that is how this misbegotten movie got made.
I am not exaggerating when I make that comparison, for the movie inartfully tries to mesh the story of a pregnant teen who somehow gets it in her head that she is empowered to chose which parents are worthy of the child she is about to give up for adoption, with a strained, let's cast every out -of-work 'ethnic' actor we can find and have their stories crash together conceit that only exists inside a screenwriter's head. At least in Crash, those characters existed in a specific and palpable place and time: a seething Los Angeles of today. The current movie is so poorly made that its characters exist in a cinematic void--a black hole of "we can't afford extras in this scene, so let's pretend everybody in the office went home." (The extras they do employ are noticeably bad actors, so perhaps they made a virtue out of necessity).
The office in question is a supposedly high-powered LA law firm run by the woefully miscast Samuel L. Jackson, who hires the equally miscast Naomi Watts as a driven, amoral single attorney who is adopted (otherwise she wouldn't fit neatly into the script's outline!) and is supposed to be such a hot-shot she can move from firm to firm every three years and still be hired on the spot -- not that the screenwriters would ever stoop to show her in action (that would screw up their carefully-crafted plotline!). They might as well be the only two employees in the firm, for all the mis-en-scene we get from their stilted office scenes together. [Another case in point: when Jackson invites his new hire to a firm welcoming party, he takes up valuable screentime to explain that he didn't invite the other partners because they are 'boring' (not that the director was too lazy or cheap to populate the scene with believable background players).]
The other main character is the teen-mother who long ago gave-up Watts' character for adoption, an event which has haunted her ever since. Now well-past middle age and caring for her dying mother, this embittered, unlikeable woman is the ONLY character with any hint of reality to her ... due solely to the fearless performance by Annette Bening, who alone is able to breathe life into these lifeless, thin as the paper they are under-written on characters. If I come across as too harsh on the screenwriter, let me offer two examples:
1) the great Samuel L. Jackson is asked to play a name partner in a law firm who is seduced -- no, mounted -- fully-clothed, by the lovely Aussie actress Naomi Watts, who orders him not to move during intercourse, all the while keeping his Tucker Carlson bow-tie fully tied. There are so many things wrong with that scene, I wouldn't know where to begin. (Nobody benefits from a scene like that, that's all I'll say).
2) the gratuitous introduction, mid-story, of a wise beyond her years teen character (Juno again!) to interact with the now-pregnant, now suddenly warm and outgoing Ms. Watts -- only the teenager is blind! The blind who can see -- get it? I would make a crack about 'Screenwriting 101' class here, but if I ever came across a script like this in any kind of class, I'd give it a big red 'F.' Why? Because I assure you nothing that comes out these characters' mouths have ever been spoken by a real human being. Ever. They aren't people at all, merely fictional constructs that exist only to further the script's tortured path to its big statement.
Yet the only "statement" Director Garcia seems to want to make is: "Being a mother can turn the most-coldblooded, shut-off woman into a sensitive, caring soul." Early on I sensed the entire course this movie would take; then it dawned on me how far I had to go to get there. Let me say it was the longest 2 hours of my life. I know, certain females might say, "If you were a woman, you'd appreciate the message more." To that I reply: "Well who the hell is Rodrigo Garcia? I'm just as much a mother as he ever will be!" If I were a woman, I'd be offended by such a simple-minded screenplay, blatantly designed to manipulate my maternal instincts. In fact, the only thing Garcia has that I don't is well-connected friends -- the acclaimed directors Alfonso Cuaron, Guillermo del Toro and Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu are ALL listed in the credits.
Which leads me to comment on the film's Crash- and Babel-worthy casting:
- Jimmy Smits as a too decent to be true co-worker I have no complaints with (his platitude-spouting daughter is another story, however);
- the many African-American actors who populate the pregnant teen's world are all one-dimensional, yes, but not offensive;
- the Hispanic housekeeper/caretaker of the old woman who stays on to help the hostile daughter (Bening) against both her and her own daughter's self-interest, is purely a plot device;
- but when Elizabeth Peña pops-up in two throw-away scenes that could have been portrayed by any anonymous character actor, regardless of race, sex, creed or gender identification, this critic must say "No mas!" You really are plumbing the depths of pandering to an ethnic group when your casting Rolodex lands on Elizabeth Peña!
In fact, coming out of the theater, I tried to think of the last time I has such a miserable experience watching a film made by amateurs. Then it dawned on me: "The Lost City" (2005) directed by actor Andy Garcia. (New Rule: If your name is Garcia, you are forbidden from making a movie ... ever). That film has many things in common with this one: cardboard characters, simplistic plot, egregious miscasting (remember Bill Murray AND Dustin Hoffman?), an interminable running time, and , of course ...
ELIZABETH f*cking PEñA!!
